Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
