I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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