I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
