Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
