he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
