But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
