I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
