Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
