did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
