Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
