My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
