I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
