if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
