I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She told me I should be a condom model.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
