Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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