i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We are two peas in an std pod
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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