Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
