I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
