Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
