Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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