Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
