So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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