This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
