First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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