I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
