Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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