I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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