She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
