I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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