So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
