I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
