Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
