My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
