I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
