why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
