My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
