He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
