I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
