he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
