i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
