you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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