he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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