were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
