woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
