Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
