the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
