Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
