Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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