a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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