if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
