when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
